NewSatire

The Democratic National Committee’s “Historic 100 Days” celebration turned controversial as they announced that the historic nature of Barack Obama’s presidency has inspired them to endorse an “even way more historical” candidate for 2012.

Over-enthusiastic members of the DNC cheered as Howard Dean suggested Obama is of only marginal historic importance compared to what's coming in 2012.

“All I’m saying is, this new candidate is gonna make puttin’ the first African-American president into office literally seem like no big deal!” declared former DNC Chairman Howard Dean at the party.

Dean let the news slip in an alcohol-fueled bombshell that was supposed to be announced “in a different spirit and context” later this week by the current DNC Chairman, Virginia Governor Tim Kaine.

Grabbing the microphone from Chairman Kaine, Dean launched into a tirade against “complacency in the face of the Obama victory.”

“People these days want something new, something historical!” Dean yelled. “Obama was a first! But we can do better! Yes we can!”

The crowd seemed enthusiastic, so Dean continued:

“So look out in 2012! ‘Cause the Deaniac Democrats are on the edge! And we’re puttin’ up a candidate that’s unlike any candidate that anyone has ever voted for before!” he roared. “That’s right! A super milestone-breaker who’s gonna bust right through those fuckin’ white doors of that fuckin’ white house, and into fucking HISTORYYYYEEAAWW!” -  That’s when the microphone was cut off and a red-faced Dean stumbled from the stage.

The DNC has refused to elaborate on who the surprise candidate might be, fueling speculation among various ethnic, religious and gender groups, each convinced the next president will be one that will “identify with them.”

A NewSatire.com poll shows that while over 40 percent of Americans believe the DNC choice will likely be of Hispanic origin and nearly 35 percent think it will be an Asian-American candidate, a staggering 86 percent think that regardless of race, the choice will indeed be a woman, most likely a “lesbian, with roots somewhere in the Southern Hemisphere” according to the poll.

Spokesman Ashley Guy from The American Transgendered Organization said AMTRAN is excited about the prospect of the first Transgendered-American president in 2012.

“The message from the DNC is clear enough for me,” Guy said. “Our next president will undoubtedly be a Transgendered- or Transexual-American, and he-slash-she will be the most historic president of all time.”

But many are skeptical about the DNC’s ability to produce a candidate of such breathtaking historicity.

“The important thing about Obama’s victory is how historic it is,” said Vice President Joe Biden, defending Obama’s historical uniqueness. “It’s not just about being the first black president. It’s about being part of history, and a part of an historic moment within the historical process itself. It’s just great.”