SECRET BUSH TAPES EXPOSED: “worst fears” confirmed
Bush, now in irons, had privately declared himself "better than God, stronger than Satan."
Crawford, TX - Secret Service Agents have finally put shackles on the pathological liar and murderously-evil former President George W. Bush this morning, dragging him from the red barn of his Texas ranch and shoving him into a black Ford Expedition.
“This was difficult for me,” said Bill Daniels, an arresting agent who had actually worked under Bush during his tenure as President. “He always seemed so nice. But now I realize he really was the American Hitler.”
Daniels’ response was mirrored by most Americans today upon the leaking of the Bush Tapes, which record the ex-president’s legacy of pure evil.
All the abuses of power imaginable - from his order that the CIA detonate bombs at the Trade Center on 9/11 to his secret plot to “kill black people” in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina - are chronicled on the Bushgate Tapes.
“I just don’t care about black people,” Bush is heard saying in one secretly-recorded conversation. “I wish there was some way to kill a bunch of the poor ones.”
"I'll have you all killed. You are all DEAD!" screamed former top Bush strategist Karl Rove, arrested at JFK Int'l Airport today as he attempted to flee the country.
He and former Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice are heard determining that “withholding assistance” from minority Hurricane victims was the best way to “address the problem” according to the tapes.
It was only two weeks after he successfully manipulated the vote and stole the 2000 presidential election from Al Gore that Bush began formulating his plot to blow up the Twin Towers in order to start a war that would allow him to steal the oil riches of the Middle East, killing as many black people as possible in the process.
“Yeee-haaw this is gonna be awesome!” Bush exclaimed in the January 2000 recording. “If this goes as planned, the Muslims we hired will steeee-rike the towers just right, providing cover for them bombs in the basements. When the towers fall, we’ll git the 80% voter approval for the war we need and Congress will sign on up for it!”
Former Vice President Dick Cheney: “Only then will we have our pretext to invade Iraq and Afghanistan, install a Democratic system for political cover, and capture Saddam whenever war fatigue sets in.”
Bush: “Condi, we gotta make sure to install bin Laden in Western Pakistan indefinitely. That’ll give us our perfect storm of endless war and the deaths of black and brown people, even as we funnel Iraq’s oil back here through the Secret Particle Displacement Portal Cheney built with his ill-gotten riches Ha Ha!”
“Then Dick, you can go torture-up some of them boys, and maybe I’ll even tank the US economy on our way out of office for shits and giggles! HA HA! YEEE-HAAWW!” Bush added. “Then I guess my dang debt to The Dark One be fulfilled.” (see BUSH CRIMES page 6)
Thousands of US moviegoers were disappointed this week as they attempted to see Tim Burton's cool post-apocalyptic animated adventure "9" but ended up accidentally seeing the gay Daniel Day-Lewis musical "Nine" instead.
'Idol' front-runner Adam Lambert says being idolized is totally all about individuality: "If you're not doin' your own thing like me, then you're probably out there doin' someone else's thing, and that's BULLSHIT," Lambert said.
This article is insightful and informative. Writers like Mr. Sanderson renew our faith in professional journalism for the 21st century. He should be given that raise.
MOTHAFUCKA, I WAS MOTHAFUCKIN RIGHT. WHEN MY PEOPLE, THE BLACK PEOPLE, WERE IN LOUISIANA TAKIN SHOES AT WAL-MART AND BUSTIN WINDOWS, THEY CALLED US LOOTERS BUT THE WHITES AT THOSE RED CROSS SHELTERS WERE JUST TRYING TO FIND FOOD. FUCK THAT. THAT IS RACIST. THAT DUDE DONT CARE ABOUT THE BLACK. BUT NOW THE WHITE HOUSE IS BLACK. GET READY AMERICA, YOUR SHIT IS OURS. CHAKA KAHN.